Mentally fucked marriage on the line

You know i posted a huge milestones i was proud of but I’m still fucked inside and i can’t supress it anymore. I’ve been with my wife for about 10 years. We’ve overcame a lifestyle most can’t and made it out together nontheless. I’ve had terrible damaging relationships in the past to where cheated on ,physically abused(even stabbed) and mentally tormented to the point where i saw why dudes kill their other half in the heat of the moment. My marriage hasn’t been like that but I’ve carried the thought process things from the past into it and i can’t stop. I’ve always been one to question my wife she understood why and didn’t mind it but now it’s too the point where she’s tired of it. 10 years and I’m still thinking somethings going on affair or something. I started going hard because i found out she was giving a co worker a ride home occasionally after work. It’s on her way home but She’s never mentioned it in any way shape or form. She said she didn’t tell me cause i would’ve taken it like she was cheating and its just an innocent 10 min ride if another co worker can’t. So of course I’m thinking the worst. This dude is an ugly goof ball loser who has nothing. My wife is a home body she doesn’t go out she takes care of our daughters and goes to work and i pretty much do the same since we work opposite shifts. Honestly I’ve never seen anything in her phone(which you really can’t go by that). But idk i just have a gut feeling. We’ve been together for a long time,work opposite shifts i leave at 6am get home 5pm she leaves for work 4pm and gets home usually after 1030 but it’s a restaurant so hours varie depending on clean up ect., we have 3 kids to support and never have time for us.we barely even fuck we’re 32 years old. I’m depressed and anxious i can’t even get in the mood to get myself off. Rarely any intimacy when by chance we’re both home. even hugs kisses are rare. I bring this up to her i feel like roommates and i ask if she’s bored or not into me or the marriage and she says no of course she wants me “this is just how being married is. We sacrifice now for the kids”. And of course I’m thinking in my head “bulshit she just doesn’t want to be stuck with the house and all the bills that come with it and the kids most of the time on her own so she wants to have her cake and eat it too”. She might not think that but that’s where I’m at with my thinking. So with how our marriage is I can’t shake this feeling I try but i can’t. I’ve tried tons of different meds in the past nothing really helped or it made me worse in other ways. I’ve tried counseling years ago but felt talking to someone about shit like this is a scam in a sense. It’s like if i don’t tell her what I’m thinking is going on or how I’m feeling i feel rage so i try not to hold it in cause I’m a nut and speaking it helps me selfishly from exploding but puts stress on her and everyone in the house for that matter. We just bought a house together, cars we have 2 kids (3&2)together and my 12 year old living with us. Im at Loss.I literally lose everything if we split. Not to mention if i have to pay for 3 kids and here where i live I’d have to be homeless to pay the child support amount. Or bring my family down if i stay cause i don’t think i can ever think normal again…

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Have you thought about therapy? I understand wanting to trust your gut, a lot of times it is right. If you’re willing ask her to participate in therapy. If she isn’t willing there might be something to it. Also if it’s just your mind running wild I don’t think private therapy for yourself would be bad to deal with the stuff in your past. I know for guys like us it can be hard to admit we need to talk to someone. I waited 10 years before I was diagnosed with PTSD, but once I sought help my life changed. Just a thought.

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We signed up for marriage counseling but earliest is 2 month wait. Even individual therapy is a longer wait and where i am. I’d give it a shot but it’s so long away idek if i can hold on

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Best of luck brother. I’ve been there when you don’t know if you’re mind is playing tricks on you or not. Look into some natural option to take for now. It can’t hurt.

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Are you taking tren? Cause that shit will make you start thinking crazy shit.

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I’ve gotten in ruts before with the old lady. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Y’all need to fuck man. Find the time. Pipe her up proper. Tell her you love her and the kids. The intimacy has to be there to stay connected in my mind. Maybe start small leave her notes she’ll see before leaving for work, or flowers out when she gets home. Good luck man. Keep your head up.

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The gut feeling and paranoia stims from your past which was well deserved at that time. But maybe not so much now?

The lack of relationship can be worked on by you. You say you don’t kiss or hug. Why don’t you kiss her? Why cant you be the one? Come home and embrace her. Walk up to her. If she doesn’t look you in the eyes gently and slowly lift her chin up and say i miss you. I miss us. And i love you. And i want you to know that. Then kiss her on her forehead then lift chin up and on the lips and simply walk away. This type of stuff means so much for a woman. Its your responsibility to make her happy. When shes happy she’ll act the right way. Then you’ll have very little to complain about.

Men are selfish. And always need to be in charge and right.

Women need their feelings meet. They need to feel wanted and love. They don’t need drama from men. They can create enough on their own.

If shes cheating you’ll eventually know. And if shes not then you’ve truly been an ass hole and have treated her like shit when the whole time shes been faithful.

You know that love advice i gave up there ^^ most men would fuck that up by asking questions after that would lead to a fight. Dont look for instant results. Thats why i say when you kiss her simply walk away with a smile

When you go to bed dont ask for sex. Just rub your fingers threw her hair and say i love you then face the other way. A few nights of that and she’ll want more

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Edit…

You both made mistakes. Let both of you get past them. If you try hard and be patient and she cant budge a little then that sucks. But i think if you patient with putting the spark back into things and keep the past from blurting out you guys be ok

Everyone wants a second chance. She probably want you to view her like she is and not who she used to be. And because you wont then she wont try.

If she was on this forum her post would have been a lot different then yours

You don’t have to agree with the other person. But you must understand them. And to do that you must step out of your box and view her as a 3rd person. And keep your opinions out of it

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Edit ^^
Added more to post above

One more post and ill shut up

The greatest power a man has is to bring happyness to his woman. To bring her a level shes never had from any man, father, friend. Based off your other thread. And i know it was a joined effort. But you gave her
Sobriety, a home, you guys credit, kids, a car. A better version of herself, and a better version of you as a friend and as a husband and father. You have all the tools right there in front of you. But your not happy because you miss her as a friend and lover. I get it . get all that cheating nonsense out of your head

Here is a poem i wrote my woman last week. You can have it to send to her

When you feel weak
Reach out for my hand
There is strength

When your uneasy
Find me
There is stability

When your angry
Hug me
There is peace

When your sad
Cry on my shoulder
There is solace

When your bored
Play with me
There is spark

When your in fear
Hide behind me
There is confidence

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My man Exo coming through. Respect.

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U been listening to a old man somewhere haven’t you lol !!

Great advice brother

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The LOVE :two_hearts: Doctor has spoken. You listen :pray:t2:

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You didn’t answer the question about being on Tren. You sound exactly like I do when I’m on tren.

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No I’m not on tren. Honestly i wasn’t this bad when i was running it. But i think things are different now than when i was on it

That’s some good shit exo. Helpful too. Ireally appreciate the thought into that response. Thank you

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thank you. and hopefully I’m coming off the right way. text can be misread sometimes. i want to see you succeed. keep us updated my friend. you got a lot of guys here who will listen and help. and who understand more then you think. we’re all here for you. don’t give up. you built a family and turned your life around. you are a man ! and i respect that

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I love what EXO said. Just trust her and know she is your children’s mother. This horrible shit thinking is in everyone’s head. I believe you have alot in yours. It takes a man to admit this. Relax somehow, and trust in her. (I want to say pray to God for help) but i do t know if you are spiritual. Respect to you and your family. I will pray for you.

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Statistics show that most divorces are at the 10 year mark. If you can hold on and work through it you’ll be solid dude. Never give up on your marriage if you can help it. Putting added things in our bodies usually don’t help the situation either. I’ve been through and by the grace of God made it out with my family intact. I hope for the best for ya brother.

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3 children, house…is a lot on the game brother
Difficult situation, maybe Exo gives the right way
Send prayers for you

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You definitely came with a positive and logical response. And i really do appreciate The support and time everybody took to respond.

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